hello my name is bill hello?

disclaimer:

i pretty much ruin my anoynamity (if thats a word) in this peice and i expose the names (not last names) of other people and included pictures of myself playing this game. also, if you want to nominate this for a weekly authentic, do it for next weekeven though i posted it this week because i already have one for the week of 11/13-11/17.

you say putsal, i say pottsball, whatever. so, ‘what exactly is it?,’ you may ask. OK so here’s the story. i’ve known mason (I’m tim if you didn’t already know) since I was in second grade, and when we were probably 8 or 9 dan and mason and i decided that we were bored and we would invent a game. so we got this balloon from my other brother paul’s (he was 3 or 4) birthday decorations and went in the ‘fawyer’ or whatever it’s called where my front door is and the ceiling is 16 or 17 feet high. we “pupped” (batted) it up in the air and whoever let it go down first lost (it was not a helium balloon.). so the next day mason and michael were over (i dont know how i remember all this so clearly) and we decided to play the game again, except this time in the basement. my basement is unfinished but when i was about 7 my dad put a hard, rugburny carpet in the basement and painted lines for mini hockey and mini basketball. we had a mini basketball hoop that went to four, five and six feet. mason also had one and one day he brought it and it never went back. its still there. we also had these mini hockey nets and about 20 plastic sticks so that at any given time dan, my dad, mason, michael, this kid named jordan, jason, this little now-6th grader called Alexi, and I could be playing a full-fledged, sticks flying 4 on 4 in an area of a basement thats 12×24 feet (i only needed stitches once). so, getting back to the story, dan, michael, mason, and I went to the basement with our balloon and used the mini hockey nets to play pottsball, as we called it then. basically, it was a 2 on 2 game in which you had to keep the balloon up with your hands by repeatedly batting it upwards and shooting it by ’spiking’ it, sort of like the way that

you would use a volleyball. we might have played that for 2 or 3 days, then we forgot about it. so anyway, this past may or so, dan and i were bored. one of us remembered pottsball for some reason. we painted lines, which i will explain later, in my backyard, put up a regulation sized hockey net on each end, and we played with a mini volleyball. we then told some of our friends about it and that they should try playing it. they did, and it was a huge success. as of today, november 15th, 2006, there have been no less than 21 people that have played the game, and the number is rapidly growing. michael and i even have compiled official rules and rankings. you might be thinking, ‘what kinda guy invents a game and rants on and on about it for an entire weekly authentic and even comes up with rules and rankings.’ if that is what you are thinking, ………………………………………………………………. i dont care. anyway, here are the current rankings. you probably know some of these people. there have been 82 games played all time. o, and the rankings are based on a combination of wi/loss record and goals for and against

1. Chris

t2. Tim

t2. Dan

t2. Mason

5. Ben

6. Ed

7. Michael

8. Cory

9. Jordan

10. Isaac

11. Josh

12. Ryan

13. Jacob

14. Jason

15. Alexi

16. Lauren

17. Paul

18.Aaron

19. Nicole

20. Connor

21. Beth Ann

anyway, the lines that are painted in my backyard look kind of like an under 4 soccer field, with a halfway line, endlines, sidelines, and a little small rectangular box by the net, like a hockey crease mixed with a ‘6′ in soccer. there is also a large dot in the very middle of the field where games begin. i dont really feel like posting all the rules here, so ill just go over the basic ones. first and most ovbiously, the ball may never touch the ground. if you have possession of the ball and it hits the ground, it is automatically the other team’s ball from wherever it hit. there are a few exceptons to this rule, which i will explain later. second main rule, you may never carry the ball. not with your hands, in-between you legs, etc. it must always be kept in the air by hitting it repeatedly upwards. the exception to this is the goalkeeper. he may hold onto it if and only if he is in the box. 3rd, you may not use any part of your body to hit the ball other than your hands and wrists. the exception to this rule is talso he goalkeeper. the keeper can use any part of his body to save the ball. 4th, you cannot throw the ball to a teammate or towards goal. you must bat it. next, you can shoot it pretty much any way you want using your hands and/or wrists, but the preferred method is by batting it with the palm of your hand as hard as you can into the net, kinda like volleyball. the other rules are basically that you cannot shoot from behind half (this rule was made up mainly for 1 on 1 games, but we now use it for all games) and you cannot ‘hack’ at anyone. hacking is a soccer term that means to kick out randomly at some guy’s legs to get the ball. same goes for this except its with arms. the exception to the first rule, you cant drop it, is this:

play is still live if the ball:

hits a post and then hits the ground

hits the ground inside the box

or hits the keeper and then hits the ground.

the term ‘play is still live’ means basically that it is a free-for all and anyone can go after the ball. if the ball goes out of bounds on someone’s goal line off of someone on the opposing team, it is a ‘goal throw’. however, if it goes out on you on your own goal line then it is a ‘corner throw’ for the other team. if the ball goes out on the sidelines or a foul has been made, you just throw it in from where it went out or the spot of the foul. on goal throws, corner throws, regular throws, and throws on a foul, you can actually throw it instead of batting it. that’s it for most of the rules, and even if that may have seemed like a lot of rules, its not really hard to remember once you start playing. its just like remembering not to use your hands in soccer or not to travel in basketball. ok the end

This is another video (my videos aren’t my weekly authentics) about a great player in the greatest sport- football. He has such skill dribbling with the ball coupled with a fantastic shot. For those of you that don’t really know football- watch his ’stepovers’, a move in which you ’step-over’ the ball while dribbling. He does them extraordinarily fast and usally catches the defender off-guard. Not to mention he plays for my team- Manchester United  

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ok have you ever thought of how you want to die? it seems like a kinda weird question considering we’re all only 13 or 14 (or 12 in some seveys’ cases). but seriously, unless a never-die injection or something is invented in the next 100 or so years, you will DIE!!!! muahahahaha whatever. anyway, you should think about it. personally, i want to die peacefully in my sleep at the age of at least 106 years, 9 months, 15 days, 8 hours, and 35 minutes, and not in a hospital (this would make me able to live in 3, count them THREE!!! centuries. that would be pretty cool. but if that’s not possible, listen up.

at the age of 16, i’m going to drop out of high school and become a suicidal who travels the world off stolen money. by then, there wil be a spaceport in denver where i can hop on a one-way shuttle to the city of new las vegas on mars, near the site of the 80,000 foot olympus mons, the tallest mountain in the solar system. by then, it will be protected by the universal park system and the u.p.r (universal park rangers) as a universal park (i dunno why i am saying al this considering this is only 3 years down the road.) but anyway i will drive my car up to the visitor center at 79, 876 feet, so its sorta by the summit, and hike the rest of the way up. at the top, i will have to pee, so i find some random port-a-potty at the top. as i am answering nature’s call, i accidentaly trip and fall over. i go tumbling in the port-a-potty 80,000 feet down olympus mons. (i die.)

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this is an amazing video of players playing the most underrated position of the most underrated sport (at least in the US)… goalkeepers in football (soccer)

Once upon a time there was a lazy hippopotamoose. His name was Robert. Robert lived in an underwater forest, as all hippopotamooses do, in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. His home was on a hill overlooking the city of Hippopotamooseopolis,  a three bedroom medium sized oak tree. Behind Hippopopamooseopolis, there was The Forbidden Seaweed Forest (The Forbidden Seaweed Forest is controlled and forbidden by the Underwater Park Service. Entry for any reason denied.) Sorry about that last sentence. It’s just that, as you all know, everytime you use the words “The Forbidden Seaweed Forest” (The Forbidden Seaweed Forest is controlled and forbidden by the Underwater Park Service. Entry for any reason denied.) Sorry again. Anyway, anytime you use those words, you have to say that thing in parenthesis or else you will be sued and/or fined and/or jaied and/or tried and/or murdered and/or eaten  because it is very very very very very very very very bad to go against the Underwater Park Service’s orders. So, in The Forbidden Seaweed Forest (The Forbidden Seaweed Forest is controlled and forbidden by the Underwater Park Service. Entry for any reason denied.) OK In IT!! there are many a sea monster, including the infamous Loch Ness Monster. Funny thing about that. The Loch Ness Monster is from the Atlantic Ocean and the Atlantic Monster lives in Loch Ness. Unfortunatley for the poor creature, you stupid humans call him the Loch Ness Monster just because he lives in Loch Ness. That’s like some kid named Austin who live in New York getting called New York just because he lives there. How rude. No wonder the Atlantic Monster terrorizies you idiots. I don’t blame him. Start calling him the Atlantic Monster and you will find that he is a very compassionate creature. But the Loch Ness Monster, now he’s a different story. He is one, 120-foot peice of work. You want to stay out of his way. OK now back to Robert. Now everyone knows that all hippopotamooses must collect 3 washbers from the sacred rashkand tree in the center of Hippopotamooseopolis by midnight every day or they will die. Right? OMG You humans are retards. But whatver. So on this certain Wednesday Robert happened to sleep in until 3pm. He did his usual messy routine, then went to go eat Skelefish Bites (A Registered Trademark of Wal-Mart Undersea Branch, Inc.) while watching television. by the time he was done, it was 10 o’clock. There was nothing on, so Robert decided that he would call his nice, slightly more oraganized buddy down the street in a redwood apartment building, Fredrick. Fredrick had already gone downtown and gotten his share of washbers for the day. The first thing that he asked Robert in their conversation was whether or not he had gotten his washbers for the day. When Robert said no, Fredrick suggested he had better go get his or he would die. Unfortunatly for him, Robert did not believe in that kind of stuff. He told Fredrick that he would just get six tommorow and to stop worrying. Fredrick was about to say that he would be dead by then when Robert hung up. “What a baby,” he said. He decided that jsut to prove that the whole “washber” thing wasn’t true, he would stay up and see what happened on midnight. He invited all of his Hippopotamoose friends to come and watch, just for kicks. So at 11:30 in came his friends William, Edward, Gregory, Ronald, Timothy, Matthew, Johnathan, Donald, Harold, Thomas, Edwin, Howard, and, of course, Fredrick. At precisley 11:59 and 58.76 seconds, everyone was gathered around Robert. in his very messy living room. And precisley 1.24 seconds later, Robert exploded into precisley 1,256.9879 peices, and for some reason, was never heard of again.

THE END

What’s the moral: Don’t Be An Idiot!